I Saw You Today

I saw you today
after being apart for two years.
You looked so at peace
and so horribly still.

I prefer to think of you in my minds eye
“Hi sweetie, it’s me'” and make that funny kissy face
like you were too macho to kiss me
but secretly you liked it.

I saw your daughter today
so tall and so poised
You would have been proud
she was amazing
Were you there?
I didn’t feel your presence at all.

You would have been impressed
all the people who showed up to honor you
The church was so full
full of tears.

Anton said great things for you
You know, despite your not being close to him as a man
he was crying and remembering
how you forgave him
for breaking your front teeth
when you were 10!
so glad you got them fixed so nicely
your happy smile was that much more joyful.

I saw your picture at the ball game with John and Fred
your smile was so nice
hard to see you with her but then
I thought you wanted to be with her
and you were smiling.

I saw you today
through your family’s eyes
you were just who you were
no bullshit and a real man
Everyone loves you so much
Hope you really knew this
when you were alive.

Some of your friends said it
For a while we were all living in a golden age
all of our wonderful parties and outings and events
We did that together
but people came together because of you
when you were not doing well and stopped
people really noticed
they missed you
You were the glue that held so many people together.

I know we were not meant to be
I wanted to grow old with you, remember?
Denise said that today too
I wept even harder
It was so true.
Did you mean it
when you said you were not going to live long
I thought you were negative
but perhaps you really knew

I saw you today
despite all the bad things we went through
I will work harder to see you in the light of our happy times
I will see you sitting in your chair
feet up on the table
chewing that purple cigar bubble gum
the fireplace crackling
you laughing (or cursing) away at the tv
and teasing me and Natalie

I have missed those days and nights so much, Marc,
when we were a family
I mourn the loss of our good times
knowing you aren’t 20 miles away
having some port and checking the scores
I hope you are finally at peace now
no longer angry or sad
finally hanging out with your dad.

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6 responses to “I Saw You Today

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention I wrote a poem, probably more catharsis than art. -- Topsy.com

  2. Marianne in Alabama

    Heather,
    This is a magnificent, emotional, tribute to Marc. You are an amazing poet and philosopher. This made him so real to me, who never knew him. I understand how your heart is hurting. My heart is with you. Another beautiful example of your talent with words. Thank you for posting.

    • Hi Marianne, thank you so much for your kind words. It’s such a complicated set of emotions for me, sometimes poetry is cathartic.

  3. Heather, I read your poem/tribute and was touched by the beauty and honesty of your words. I wish you the best as you work your way through this difficult time.

  4. Hi Heather! S sent me the link to this site and I have enjoyed reading about your wanderings around town and your thoughts and pictures captured along the way. You know, life is a complicated set of emotions and forgiveness is cathartic. I believe your honesty and courage will bring completion and peace.

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