This weekend was a complete food disaster. Instead of having a great time at FoodBuzz with all my friends from food blogging and potential new friends, I ate something that triggered my food allergy symptoms and spent the rest of the weekend home feeling like I ate bees and rolled in poison oak, amongst other unpleasant things.
I know this is not helpful but my mind keeps thinking of all the things I had planned to cook, which now I may never be able to taste or enjoy.
Thoughts of fluffy cheese gougeres, our family’s amazing pumpkin chiffon pie, A___’s chicken kutlyeti with mashed potatoes, huevos rancheros with blue corn tortillas, knock you naked brownies, my favorite birthday cake from Victoria Pastry Company – the St. Honore, Irish car bomb cupcakes, the salmon chowder I have in the freezer, game hens glazed in apricot preserves with pine nuts, Mrs. Snell’s walnut bites, Christmas almond bark, the list just goes on and on….
My skin tests for foods and inhalent pollens are tomorrow and Thursday and I am very apprehensive.
Either I will react to the foods they will test me for, or I will not. Either way, I know that so many favorite and essential foods really trigger the allergy symptoms, so despite the outcome of this week I know there are things I just cannot have anymore.
Everything I have read says that it is very important to avoid foods that trigger the allergic response because continuining to challenge yourself with them can cause the reaction to worsen, and become anaphyalctic like I have come close to experiencing with eggs. Other symptoms that are common are depression, mental confusion, aches in joints, headaches, etc – all of this seems to click and explain why I have been feeling so poorly.
So, I am trying not let my brain “go to terminal” and to think of this as a sort of cleanse period, a six month (or longer) break where I just eat a very restricted diet and let my immune system chill out.
I really don’t know what to expect now and the fear of the unknown is petrifying. I am tired of playing Russian Roulette with food and worried my health will suffer. Even vitamins are worrisome. Can I even get a flu shot? They are cultured in part using egg.
It is sad to contemplate that I will have to give up doing the things I love and things that I have such a talent, like cooking and writing about food because of my body’s betrayal. I don’t want to give up these things, they have filled my life in such a wonderful way, but I really don’t have anything to write about now.
Food seems like a pointless exercise and I wish I didn’t have to think about it or even eat anything. If I could just take a pill for sustenance and never worry about this allergy stuff again I would do so happily.
Meantime to distract myself I have started a new site, The Inadvertent Redhead, where I am writing about my crafts, knitting, haiku and other artistic things.
I will try to continue this site on the foods that I can eat safely and wine and cocktails.
Cheers to that!